Breaking: You Don't Have to Be Friends With Your Coworkers
Let's unpack the Danny Masterson/Ashton Kutcher/Mila Kunis fiasco
Friends, this has been a big week in the Topherverse. Within the past 72 hours, Topher Grace trended on Twitter, people from all areas of my life texted me about Topher Grace, I spent a significant chunk in a work meeting talking about That 70’s Show cast in the year 2023 which is basically my dream job.
Needless to say, this is the moment I’ve been training for. I’m finally fulfilling my purpose of yelling about Topher Grace 24/7, and it’s all thanks to two smelly Airbnb hosts. Who says the American Dream is dead!?
Naturally, I had to return my ticket to see The Nun 2 on Tuesday night (2sday night?) to investigate this situation further:
So What’s Going On With the That 70’s Show Cast?
Earlier this week, Danny Masterson, who played teenage rebel Steven Hyde for the entire run of That 70’s Show, was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison after being found guilty of drugging and raping two women in the early 2000’s.
Given that Masterson is a supercreep of middling talent who hasn’t been culturally relevant in almost 20 years,1 and the sad reality that there are more sexual assaults in Hollywood than Barbie movie tie-ins, this news should have come and gone relatively quickly. I certainly wasn’t going to wade into the Masterson swamp on this forum because this is a positive, supportive community for people with a parasocial relationships with actor Topher Grace.
But then, like the Nun popping out from the shadows in The Nun 2, Masterson’s costars Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis (who are married icydk) wrote character letters praising Masterson and asking for a lighter sentence for the man convicted of drugging and raping multiple women. Not a great look.
People were shocked that Kutcher and Kunis would defend Masterson, but not as shocked as Kutcher and Kunis were over the backlash. They hastily dropped a comments-off apology video on Kutcher’s instagram and IMHO, it’s the funniest work either of them has done in years.
Kutcher and Kunis’s apology comes off as super inauthentic. It seems like they are less sorry about supporting a rapist and more sorry the public found out they supported a rapist.
And it doesn’t look like things are getting much better for the Kutcher/Kunis fam, as Kutcher appeared to double-down on his belief that Masterson is a good guy by mass-texting fans that he “chose love,” like a Democrat up for reelection.
Show of hands, who thinks Ashton maybe deserves prison for setting up an SMS mailing list to share updates about himself?
What Does This Have to Do With Topher Grace?
Finally, back to the reason why I skipped The Nun 2. Topher starred on That 70’s Show alongside Masterson, Kutcher, and Kunis and exited prior to the show’s final season.
The narrative around That 70’s Show has long been that Topher was too stuck up to hang out with the rest of the cast. Some fans even blamed Topher for the show’s cancelation after he left in the 7th season. And it wasn’t just fans saying that. The show’s creators called Topher out in the shadiest way back in 2006 in True Hollywood Story: that 70’s Show.
Quick sidebar: there’s a whole Scientology element to this that I haven’t even brought up yet because I’m scared. Allegedly, Topher was ostracized by the rest of the That 70’s Show cast and crew because he wasn’t interested in being recruited. Also Scientology definitely worked overtime to protect Danny Masterson for years DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED or we’ll still be here when The Nun 3 hits theaters!
As a teen who preferred watching Anchorman outtakes to going out on the weekends, I watched the True Hollywood Story special and thought it was a little harsh. But now, being introverted is IN and siding with rapists is OUT. So Topher is trending on the internet for being an Unproblematic King!
Topher has yet to comment on Masterson’s sentencing, but he did comment on the situation to the Hollywood Reporter back in 2018:
“You know, I hesitate to say that I never saw any of that behavior because I feel like it sounds like I’m defending him, but the truth is I never saw any of that stuff. I was, of that cast, the most boring. So when it came to going out after the show and partying, I just was boring.”
I mean, he’s kind of not saying anything there, but compared to Kutcher and Kunis, he looks like Anita Hill.
Topher’s wife, Ashley Hinshaw, sent out a message of support to victims of rape on her Instagram story this week that was obviously related to the Masterson news. I wouldn’t expect anything less from the Queen of the Topher Hive. 🐝
The End…..?
That’s the whole story for now. In classic rich white man fashion, Topher came out looking amazing by doing almost nothing at all.
Meanwhile, I’m praying that this is truly where this story ends, because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that being labeled unproblematic is usually the beginning of the end for famous men. 👀
But, like I said in my Traffic review, if things goe South with Topher Grace, this will become a Christopher Walken newsletter and we’ll all pretend nothing happened.
See you next month for Predators (2010)!
I refuse to acknowledge whatever The Ranch is.
i love it thank you so much