"maybe I should take this up with my therapist"
the Topher obsession that led to a 4.5 year relationship
One of the many unexpected joys of writing about Topher Grace is meeting other people who fixated on Topher at formative ages. We’re a strange club of people who all lost our virginities late.
People like Mackenzie Jaquish, a fantastic comedian and producer who once had a That 70’s Show themed birthday party at a Chili’s.
In anticipation of this Thursday’s premier of That 90’s Show, I sat down with Mackenzie to talk about what Topher’s breakout role meant to us.
H - Mackenzie, describe how you first came across Topher Grace.
M - This memory came into my mind of me coming home from school and sitting on the couch with my dad. I think I'm probably 13 or 14. And he was watching That 70’s Show. And it was season three episode 22, “Eric’s Drunken Mistake.”
And in the episode, he's having a dream where he breaks into Donna’s home, and he's dressed like Steven Tyler. And I swear, that was the first time I was ever horny in my entire life. I never felt that sensation before.
All I remember is my dad turning to me going, “hey, you know that song he's singing didn't come out until the late 70s.”
Topher was the first first person I got horny to, for sure. Which was confusing when your dad’s talking about the accuracy of Steven Tyler.
Steven Tyler is so antithetical to the persona of Topher Grace because Steven Tyler is sex drugs and rock and roll and Topher—especially on That 70’s Show was a very buttoned up good boy.
I've always been the nerdier person, the funny friend, the other friend and Topher was created for girls like me. We also get a boy!
I was the exact same age when I started watching That 70’s Show. I think that was when my thing for scrawny boys started. I just love a string bean boy. I don't know if you're like this, but my crushes are always kind of attainable. Topher Grace is not a Chris. He’d be nice to me.
I think it just kind of got embedded into my brain that that’s gonna be my type of guy I’m gonna go after. My one friend Jackie got me a clock that had a photo of Topher Grace on it, and I slept with it next to my bed when I was 18 or 19.
And then I ended up going to a party, and somebody tapped me on the shoulder and said, there's a guy here who looks just like Topher Grace. I turned around, and me and that guy dated for four and a half years.
Did he just look like Topher Grace? Or did he have other kinds of Topher Grace qualities that attracted you to him?
Maybe I should take this up with my therapist. But the similarities between him and Topher Grace stop at the looks. I truly think I made up his personality.
Did another celebrity replace Topher as your main celebrity crush at a certain point?
Have you watched the show Firefly Lane on Netflix right now? The main love interest on that show is named Ben Larson and he did nothing before this. This is his only big show. But last night, I watched the worst fucking Australian movie because he was the lead in it. So you end up watching these horrible movies. Yeah, I've seen like 90% of Topher Grace’s movies.
I've done that too with celebrity crushes. I’ll go back to the early stuff, like indie movies that aren't very good. I had a crush on Jay Baruchel, and I watched so many weird fucking bad Canadian movies that he was.
The level of obsession I had for Topher Grace was replaced by Taylor Swift. Maybe it's just my focus and life has now changed. Now I want a career and she has an amazing career. Wow, what a bomb I just dropped. Taylor Swift has an amazing career.
What are your thoughts on how That 70’s Show ended?
The final season really fucked up a lot of plot points that were already established. A lot of that was disappointing. But one of the things I loved was that Eric and Donna didn't end up back together. He comes home from Africa. And Donna’s going to college, and of course you never end up with your first love.
The thing that left me sad was there's this whole episode where Red and Kitty are going to move to Florida. And then they decide to stay in Wisconsin. And a part of me is always bummed out by that. But now seeing the reboot, I'm like, oh, that actually is kind of nice to think that other grandkids can come
That's sort of an issue I think with a lot of sitcoms, because they force things to stay the same for multiple seasons. And it gets sad for the characters. Donna starts dating Topher’s replacement in season eight and I'm wondering if she’s cursed to always date the person who lives in that house?
What are your predictions for That 90’s Show?
Can you start with yours?
My theory is that That 90’s Show is going to “Mr. Big” Topher Grace. He's going to die in the first episode.
Have you ever heard the theory that from seasons four through eight, is in a coma?
No!
So, the main issue with That 70’s Show is that the timeline doesn't make sense. You have multiple Christmas episodes, but yet it all only takes place over three years.
But in season four, there's an episode called tornado prom, where Eric is going to pick up Donna from the radio station, you see the tornado behind him, and then cuts to Red and Kitty in their basement. Where you hear the news say, a teenager is in critical condition, and on his way to the hospital. It's all the way up to there. The timeline is perfect. And then the timeline doesn't make sense. And when he goes to Africa, he dies.
So then what would that theory make him in That 90’s Show? An angel?
Any other Topher Grace sentiment you want to get off your chest?
I'm probably gonna realize I need to stop dating men just because they look like celebrities. That’s probably the main takeaway.
BONUS: Mackenzie’s Top 5 Topher Moments:
Topher playing Stephen Tyler on That 70’s Show.
Topher’s “six different smiles” monologue from Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!
Topher saying he was trying to make “the last John Hughes’ movie” with Take Me Home Tonight (2011). Says Mackenzie, “you don’t have to take on that responsibility, Topher Grace!”
The fact that Topher used to make home movies with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
This breakup scene on That 70’s Show.
Special thanks to Mackenzie Jaquish for taking the time to Talk Topher!